Hi can I have a private post please. Hello I’m after some advice please. I’ve been looking after my grandaughter regularly for all of her 5 years so my son & his wife can work full time & have nice things. Over this time I’ve not been appreciated at all just the odd bunch of flowers or a bag of sweets. I’m not after anything but a little something to make me feel appreciated would be nice. I go for coffee occasionally with them & my daughter in law pays for theirs & watches me pay for my own !! I’m the most generous person around. I pay for their brand new car loan while I’m driving round in a 15 year old car which is costing me a fair bit. My DIL has been with my son 8 years, very very rocky toxic relationship they have. Police & SS being called numerous times over the years. Drink & drugs playing a big part in my son’s life. The past year we’ve been in a good routine with granddaughters care. I do the after school care 4 days a week, live very close to them & have been their only main support. Lately my granddaughter has been witnessing a weekly routine of them arguing, shouting, swearing, not speaking for days, one sleeping on the sofa etc so now she’s showing signs of being disrespectful to her parents. It breaks my heart coz she’s a lovely well behaved little girl. I’m as close to her as you can get. Anyway tonight I’ve witnessed my DIL speaking to her like dirt & calling her a liar etc. I’ve pulled her up on it & world war 3 has broken out. Now I’ve been told I’m not having her tomorrow for the day as planned. So obviously DIL is using her as a weapon!! I’m angry & heartbroken. Can I please have some advice xx
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Please stop paying!! They don’t even buy you a coffee?!?! Why are you paying for their car? Oh my gosh they are treating you appallingly. I’m
Sorry that is not how family treat each other. Also buy helping with childcare etc you are enabling them
To afford the drink and the drugs. Xxxx
Keep to your self they not worth it ,hv bn uaing you,stop paying the loan
Try tough it out and wait for her to get in touch.
Start standing up for yourself they are walking all over you because they can! Start saying no it will hurt and you might lose them for a while you are not a mat you are being an incredible human being but enough is enough walk away with your head up high
They will need you, before you need them. Stop paying the loan, they both work. You should not be paying for their luxuries. Let her have her way, because soon enough she will realise what a big help you are and how actually very lucky they are to have massive support. Not everyone is that lucky.
I really feel for you because it sounds like you’ve given so much of yourself to support them and, most importantly, your granddaughter. But I think you need to separate the two issues here. Whether they buy you flowers, pay for your coffee or appreciate everything you do is one thing, but the fact that your granddaughter is regularly witnessing arguments, shouting, swearing and drug/alcohol issues is the bigger concern. She shouldn’t be put in the middle of the adults’ problems. I’d try not to get drawn into another argument with your DIL, as that could make things worse and potentially affect your relationship with your granddaughter. Keep the door open, stay calm and make it clear that you’re there for your granddaughter and want what’s best for her. If you genuinely believe she’s being emotionally harmed or is unsafe, I’d seek proper advice from children’s services rather than trying to deal with it between yourselves. ❤️
They will need you before you need them