Advice please
I have a son (8) I also have a 6 month old girl (different dads) my 8 month olds dad, we have known each other for years, been on and off talking, nothing ever relationship level but we have been close over the years, Pregnancy was obviously not planned, injection failed so here we are. He has another daughter who’s 9 and he’s a fantastic dad.
Here is the issue, although not ideal circumstances I couldn’t get an abortion, mentally it wasn’t an option for me. As you can imagine hormones and emotions through pregnancy were all over the place and even now. While pregnant I told the dad if he wanted nothing to do with baby I would walk away, likewise if he wanted contact I wouldn’t stop him. Honestly, I felt awful and still do that I bought a baby into the world how I did with a dad who doesn’t want to see her.
He’s told me on and off he wants to see her, then doesn’t sort it, then tells me I made my bed, I made my choice, he can’t do it, and then changes his mind. None of his family and friends know, it’s top secret. He’s never seen her. This is where the guilt eats me, firstly I feel awful that he’s a brilliant dad to his other child and completely ignores our daughter, but I also feel awful that his family are missing out. He may not want contact and that’s fine, but his family might.
What would you do? I’m so torn, would you message his family? Or is that awful of me to do so. I can’t help but think if I was the family member I’d be heartbroken to know and they are already missing out on so much.
I appreciate he didn’t want the baby, nor were we together and honestly, I can walk away and be a single parent no issue (it will hurt but I can accept it) but I can’t shift the feeling that his family deserves to know. Or at least his other child’s parent.
What would you do? Am I being awful by even thinking that given the circumstances or am I in the right? My head is mashed.
Source
What happens if you tell them and he gets mad then refuses to see his daughter & what if his family don’t care? That’s just more hurt on you and the daughter.
That wee girl deserves the chance at relationship with her family – irrespective of her father doesn’t.
What is the world coming to?
He created that baby, he needs to take responsibility- Jeeze !!!
U gave him the option of not being in her life and he is doing just that. And the fact that its top secret means no one knows and he clearly doesn’t want to change that. I’d remove him from birth cert and never bother with him again as he clearly doesn’t want to be in her life. His family doesn’t know and the mother of his eldest child doesn’t know either and I wouldn’t ster it up. U don’t know what way they will react and their reaction might be far from what u think it should be.
i would message he’s family and see if they want to see your child then it’s nothing to do with him also explain that he doesn’t want anything to do with it sadly
Never mind what he wants. Your daughter has a right to know who her father is
Some think abortion makes it ok to ignore their child. That is not ok. He should take responsibility for any child he has unplanned or not. Never feel guilty for the life of your child. Speak to him about what his child deserves from him and she deserves a family connection. You can’t force him to do the right thing, but advocate for your child.
He’s not told his family fir reason that guy is married or in relationship
What are you trying to achieve by telling his family? It sounds like it’s more so that they can make him accountable rather than because “they should know”.
Maybe ask him to tell his family himself, and say u want to give them the opportunity to know their grandchild etc. if he wont then you can