Private post please
My daughter is 9 and goes to a SEN school as she is autistic. She has gone into a new class this year as she was previously with older kids (boys) who used to get a bit excited and she might get in the crossfire and get knocked over so they’ve moved her into a group of younger smaller children. They said she’d get on well in this group and she even made a new friend on the first day.. I was hopeful but now they ring everyday as she’s been pushing another kid over! she’s been shoving and kicking and tried to snatch their food etc. This other child is non verbal and wears ear defenders so she is finding that fascinating that he can’t respond and he doesn’t I know it sounds awful but dented himself. I feel awful knowing she doesn’t understand that hurting others is not the way to be. They keep ringing me every day to say she’s done this she’s done that… I feel terrible and it feels like blame. I feel like they want me to say sorry about that. Which I do and we try to say can you be nice please?..
Does anybody else have these issues? I’m sure im not the only one out there. I already feel like a failure and every time they call it’s like a little dig.
Source
Ok first and foremost you are absolutely NOT a failure.
Any ASD parent will understand the challenges faced, and in my opinion while I do agree the school have a duty to let you know what’s been going on, they also have a duty to keep each child safe while they’re in their care.
Do they mention during these calls what action they took to stop/ minimise these “attacks”
If this was my child I’d be asking for a meeting to find out what the school is doing about it.
My son is 13, also ASD, non-verbal and attends SEN school.
He’s been bitten before, pushed etc and of course the school let me know and I say each time I understand.
But I expect the school to have measures in place to keep my child safe from others, and them safe from him should he have an outburst of sorts. Xx
I honestly don’t think she fully understands that what she’s doing is hurting other children or that her behaviour is coming across as horrible. With her SEN, I think it’s really important to look at the reasons behind the behaviour and not just the behaviour itself.
She’s been in a class where she’s been surrounded by other children pushing, hitting and behaving in certain ways, so she’s seen those behaviours repeatedly. Now that she’s in a class with younger children, she may genuinely think that this is a normal or acceptable way to behave because that’s what she’s previously been exposed to. She may not understand that it isn’t okay or why it’s different now.
I really feel like the school need to take all of this into consideration and support her to understand what is and isn’t appropriate, rather than simply treating each incident as though she knows better and is deliberately being difficult.
And please don’t beat yourself up over it. No child is perfect, and having additional needs can make situations like this even more difficult to navigate. You’re doing an amazing job, and none of this means you’re a bad parent. ❤️
I also don’t think it’s fair for the school to be ringing you every single time something happens. Of course they need to keep you informed about serious incidents, but surely there needs to be a consistent approach to behaviour for all children. She needs support, understanding and clear boundaries from school, as well as consequences when appropriate — not for you to feel like you’re constantly being contacted whenever she gets something wrong. 🤷♀️❤️