Hello can you post please
Me and my partner are having a big disagreement and I can’t tell whether I’m being unreasonable or not. Back story.. we live together (he’s moved into mine) and he has 2 kids and I have 1. We have given them the bigger room and they share it, all have their own bed – bunkbeds. They also have their own wardrobe for clothes and toys. This is my daughter’s permanent home as she doesn’t see her dad. His girls live at their mums and come every other weekend.
I want to buy my daughter a little vanity unit for her birthday and my partner thinks it’s shouldn’t be bought for her birthday because then its just hers and he doesn’t think it’s fair, he thinks it should be communal and that all the girls should be able to use it. I think that my daughter gets to decide if she lets someone else use it. I want his girls to feel welcome and we have communal spaces that the girls can be in but I also want my daughter to feel like she has her own things without making it her responsibility for the other girls feelings.
My partner thinks it’s unfair that she should have something that the girls will want to use.
I also mentioned about getting her a vr headset for Christmas as she’s asked for years and hes moaned and said he’ll have to get his kids one because it’s not fair incase she gets it out and they want to use it and she doesn’t want them to use it.
We can’t seem to agree or see eye to eye and it’s affecting whether or not living together is suitable.
How do we navigate this?
Source
Why doesn’t he buy his girls one then
Each child should have personal things to them selves. I have 4 of my own and 3 bonus children. All ranging from 18 months to 18. My bonus children visit every other weekend. They can all share things but if one choose not to because it’s theirs there is nothing wrong with that what so ever. Don’t feel bad, your daughter’s entitled to have things just for her in her own permanent home. Stand your ground if he respects you he will respect your boundaries and rules
Your daughter should not have to go without. That is unfair she should have the vanity unit
So she’s not allowed to have anything of her own? I would be telling him to shut up and buy what you want for your daughter! Simple! If he’s that bothered tell him to buy one for his daughter’s birthday!
I fully support you in this,your daughter is going through a huge adjustment period and she absolutely should have her own things,she doesn’t go to their mum’s and use all their things.hopefully your daughter would like to share but if she doesn’t,then it’s ok for her to have things just for her ❤️
I think your right it’s your daughters permanent home so she should have whatever she wants In her bedroom. She’s kind enough to share her bedroom with his children. With how your partner is acting that could cause your daughter to resent his children which could cause issues.
You are right, your daughter lives there full time and partners girls every other weekend.
They share her space and can ask to use her stuff, but ultimately it is her choice.
Please stand up for your daughter, tell him to jog on.
She should definitely be aloud her own personal things and that would be the same if they lived there full time or she had her own sisters. They’re all individuals that can have personal things and others have to learn they can’t have everything someone else has , that’s life xx
The vanity should be shared , the vr is a gift for 1 child , if he feels he needs to buy his kids the same thats on him. Kids need to understand gifts given to 1 person its theirs etc
But things like vanity have to a shared item unless you’ve space for 3.(your child could have say more drawer space as shes there fill time )
I have a son, 13 and my partner has 2 sons 13 and 12. My partner has his kids 50/50 and my son lives with us seeing his dad every other weekend. Anything the kids get bought they share. My son bought a steering wheel and peddles out of his own money that he got from birthday and Christmas and while he knows it’s his he also knows that it’s only fair his step brothers get to use it. When he goes to his dads every other weekend he leaves them here so that his step brothers can use them. Literally anything that all 3 of them own they all share together and are happy to do that x x