Please could you post the below anonymously.
Advice please on whether I am being overprotective and overthinking a situation…
My daughter was 8 a few days ago, her best friend (since roughly 11 months old) is 8 next month and has asked 4 of her friends to a sleepover for her birthday. I know the parents well and both girls have come and gone between our homes since the age of about 3 getting more regular the older they got to the point of it being twice a week during school time. Her parents are a bit more lenient than us in regard to certain things such as make up, YouTube, gaming etc., not too much and I am sure lots of other parents are more lenient and think we are too uptight but we want our children to stay children as long as possible (you’re a boring stressed out adult with all the nastiness in the world for long enough!), they have an older daughter who is 19 so have been there done that kind of thing which I totally get.
One of the other girls who is going has bullied my child on and off (mostly on) for the last 2 years at school, mainly just playground stuff (it happens) but there was one incident where she was physical and grabbed my child by the head trying to make her kiss a boy, this was when they were just 6 and I have seen the way she looks at my daughter with just an awful look on her face (I’m those of you who have experienced bullies know the face I mean). My daughter’s best friend is very good friends with this other girl (no crime there) but never seems to stick up for my child, from what she has told me, and just goes along with it. There has been a lot of ‘you can’t play because that makes it too many people’ and laughing at her etc. and the other kids just go along with it! My daughter assures me that so far this school year nothing like that has happened and they are all getting along (they have been back 8 days and for 5 of those the friend linking them has not been there, so they have likely not been together…) For my daughter’s birthday she went to the cinema, but her best friend didn’t come as she didn’t like the film choice, a popular Disney option…. She did still come for tea afterwards though, but when she got here her and one of the other girls just disappeared upstairs, which is not unusual when there is more than just the 2 of them together. I just feel that my daughter is always thought of last and left out, she is very sensitive and this does upset her quite a lot (although she tries to be brave and shrug it off).
My concerns are:
– They leave my daughter out and do the usual nasty mean girl type things (my daughter said she would take her book and just read that if they did, so to me she is already anticipating something like this happening)
– She is upset and wants to come home but wants to act like a big girl and doesn’t get someone to call me to go get her
– What will they be watching…. especially if left alone in the living room overnight (film choice or activity choice always causes upset and arguments when the 2 girls are here together)
– I have just heard they will be camping downstairs in the living room while mum and dad sleep upstairs (need to find out if older sister will be camping down there too as it was mentioned briefly that she would be around)
– It is a Saturday night during term time, 2 weeks before they break up so I worry about the knock-on effect of having such little sleep, particularly when already tired towards the end of term (we all know there isn’t much sleeping at a sleep over)
– Not letting her go and being ‘that’ parent (which also may cause more bullying because she wasn’t there)
I remember me and my female friends having playdates etc. and there was always some sort of drama because a couple of us didn’t get on. I don’t want her to go through that upset particularly if there is bullying. When I have just been talking to the girl’s dad about it at school drop off, I was getting physically upset because it is worrying me so much to make the right decision.
My husband isn’t keen on it either and the family and friends I have spoken to have all said they would say no. One of the other mums who has always said they are a bit young has given in and said her daughter can go so it just makes me feel uptight, but then again, I want to protect my little girl.
I’d love to hear other thoughts or actually experiences of sleep overs at this age, that would be great.
Source
Have you spoken to the mum?
I wouldn’t either, I’d let her friend stay over another weekend and explain it to her.