Hello. Can I have a private post please. It’s so sensitive and just looking for some help. Thank you. 🙏
I’ve been with my partner for 13 years now, married for 8. We have a daughter who is 11. Early on in the relationship I would stumble across naked pictures of men on his phone and just buried my head, didn’t say anything as I was absolutely in love with this man.
Fast forward to 2021 so 5/6 years later. I find more and confront him. He is so upset and convinces me it’s about body image. Nothing more. Says he’s always felt larger then his friends and un fit and it was about inspiration rather than anything else.
For the sake of my marriage and my daughter I believed him. We moved forward.
Images and far more explicit ones were found again Sep last year. Where I finally decided enough was enough and we ended things.
My heart was broken and I felt like I’d been lied to.
I said that I thought he was gay if not at least BiSexual. If our sex life was good, I’m not too sure if this would bother me as much. We have sex 1/2 a month. If that, I’ve never seen him eyeball another women in the years we have been together, but around pools or in pubs. His eyes follow the fit men. It’s actually embarrassing now, as my best friend knows, and even she notices 😢🙈
His finances have always been turbulent too. He’s been on IVAs and DRO. Just never been able to rely on him.
We spent weeks apart, he agreed to do some therapy, he was staying with him mum, contributing through CM, but was cash rich. So was showering me and my daughter with affection, meals out etc. everything that was missing before, he was doing now!! slowly he managed to convince me and we got back together at Christmas.
But….6 months later we are here again. But worse, I’ve found a Dropbox account full with videos of blowjibs and fingers up bums. Dating back to 2021! So he’s never actually stopped and had this the whole time.
I’m actually shattered by this.
I have absolutely no alternative but to walk away. Any tips of how on earth I navigate this.
I don’t hate him. Deep down he is a troubled man. Fighting with his sexuality and I love him enormously. But I can no longer be married to a man, who simply is gay!
Source
I’m sorry you are struggling so much with this. Your partner maybe gay or Bi but is he seeking out new partners is he cheating on you or is he just using the images for self satisfaction.
If they had been pictures of women you had found would you have reacted the same way?
He is keeping his image
You are his smoke screen
I’d personally leave its the lies and the constant doing stuff behind your back and he just doesn’t stop. It’ll be hard it always is but you’ll be ok and probably look back and think I did the right thing. You deserve better
I would get plan in action, your finances and what not. By the sounds of it your marriage is already over. You know the truth and you are going through the battle (been though it myself) you guys can coparent together. One thing I have learnt happy mum happy kids and if that means being a single mum then you can do this.
In regards to your husband I am bi sexual myself. It took me a long time to come to this realisation and once my divorce came through and I was single I was able to understand myself better. He has alot going on in his own body and emotions. Therapy for you two together won’t fix this however he needs therapy himself to be able to come to terms with how he feels and to open up that communication. Listen the road ahead is not easy, but you can do this and you deserve to be happy to.
I’m very sorry for you, but your last sentence answered your question. You’ve handled everything amazing. I do think he is gay and is struggling but it’s not your place to help him as you are hurt to. Time to move on now go be happy. I wish you the best x
I know this is going to sound weird but for some reason watching or looking at stuff doesn’t always mean that’s what he is actually attracted too, I know straight girls who like to watch lesbian p0rn and straight men and gay girls who like to watch men on men. He could be bi, pansexual, or just as I say just like looking and watching? I’d straight out ask him, it’s not that easy just to say as you’d think it is xx end of the day you’ve got to do what you feel most comfortable with 🥰
I think you’ve done things and handled the situation brilliantly if I’m honest. It would absolutely break my heart, but ultimately you both deserve to be happy and I don’t think either of you will find that together. It’s an awful situation for you to be in but you owe it to yourself to be loved for who you are whole heartedly, and so does your husband. He may really want the life with you but it’s always going to come back to this. Xxxx
I think if you incorporated pegging into your sex life it would be great for you both.
Or using vibrators up his bum whilst having sex.
Or lubricant fingers up his bum? This gives a man a different type of orgasm, compared to ejaculation.
Go slow at first though!
Men don’t talk about it much but they wish they could I think.
I expect you as a couple have already tried this. But if you haven’t then I think it would definitely improve you sex life 👍🏼❤️
Have u asked him outright if he is attracted to men like out the blue to his face. If not try it his reaction will say EVERYTHING
You sound like you’ve answered your own question. I understand you still love and care about him deeply but you also deserve to be happy. I think it’s time to call the end of the marriage and tell him you’ll always love him and be his biggest support, but he needs to find himself and be true to himself and you. Xx