Can I have a private post please….
My 9 (almost 10) year old daughter is going through something at the minute and I am at an absolute loss on how to help her, ourselves & move forwards..
Slight back story, she was bullied at school for almost 4 years and nothing was ever done about it so she has built up some enormous walls to hide her feelings, we’ve moved her schools finally and are hoping things get better but I can’t help feeling the damage has already been done.
She has always had everything she needed and wanted and yes through our own fault we didn’t set clear boundaries and rules when she was younger and now we are paying for it. She constantly wants to be outside doing her own thing (even late at night) she walks around shops on her own, spends money like it grows on trees, if we discipline her she kicks off screaming shouting, threatening to k*ll herself, shouts awful hurtful things to us to make us bow down, we have had to lock her in the house to stop her legging it onto the street but obviously that makes it worse … i really cannot get through to her that she is only 9 and she cannot behave this way and do a lot of the things she thinks she can (she likes to think she’s a teenager) I am so scared she will hurt herself or something bad will happen if I don’t do something soon, school don’t think she has any behavioural issues … is this just hormones, bad parenting or something else entirely?
Sorry for the long post 😞
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Stop giving her money to spend.
Give her some chores to do.
Stop allowing her to go out when you don’t want her to be out, I can’t believe adults are being walked over by a 9 year old
I would get her some therapy especially after all she has gone through.
Me either Andrea abbott
Definitely get a referral from your gp to a specialist in mental health it would help her maybe she might open up if you do hope it all goes well 🤞🤞🙏👍
Just double checking that she doesn’t have undiagnosed adhd or autism.
She maybe suffering from demand avoidance so any pressure or boundaries you place on her will cause issue.
The bullying could be a result of her being different.
I reccomend picking your battles, keeping her safe is priority but she has to understand why.
Keep her busy, if you can get her involved in something, karting, boxing, hiking, outdoors something that a girl her age would not normally do I think you will be onto a better path.
But telling her what to do absolutely won’t work, work with her not against her, she has had a tough time
My daughters almost 10 she felt bullied in school, she struggled with teachers telling her what to do ( more if she did something wrong in her learning ) or being outside in playground. She was never naughty in school but home she would explode hurting her self or us school refusal etc
On the first day we took her out she was much calmer and thanked us, we knew we made the right decision although I feel school is needed for all children at that time it wasn’t right for her. She’s been home educated 2 years in January.
We still have the behaviour side of things when we tell her what to do in a high demanding way there’s lots of anxiety. We got her assessed with learning for dyslexia and got her assessed for autism, both came back as she had both her autism has a demand avoidance profile and she masked in school.
When reading this post in someways it maybe your child could come across pda, some of it could also be her behaviour pushing boundaries lack of boundaries hormones but there is a reason behind behaviour.
I wouldn’t allow my children wonder later at night regardless to them threatening.
It’s deffinetly work getting her support if not already, look into things further, set boundaries together and stick to them and just start over and work together.
If she has to walk late at night walk with her.
We have the same with our 13 year old daughter, if she doest get her own way she goes down the “I’m going to kill myself” line, I then get worried and give in. She was also bullied and says she hardly any friends 😢 it’s so hard for girls, I have a 4 yr old daughter starting school September and I’m worried she will get bullied, she’s so innocent and school seems to ruin them.
As a general rule, people who constantly threaten don’t do it. If children learn that they can get things because of this, they will carry on. I’ve seen it with kids at the school gate screaming that they will do it if their parent makes them go to school!
Get in touch with your Gp, ask them for a referral to mental health services and go from there (or go direct to a private service if you can afford it).