Just wanted an anonymous post if possible please. I know its a mums group but I’m a sahm with three children and I’m so lost 😞
I’ve been with their father for 12 years now and it’s not been without its problems, always to do with trust and lying. Well in my pregnancy with my December 2025 baby I was constantly devastated as he was doing coca!ne. we would have a sitter for my 2 eldest and intend to spend the night together nicely and enjoy some quality time and I would catch him on drugs and he would always deny it over and over. It led to him having to do a drugs test each week to prove he wasn’t doing them anymore. On occasion they would come positive or he would put antibacterial spray in the sample cup as well as urine or once even put blackcurrant juice instead of urine! Don’t know why he thought pink juice that was cold would pass for me to think it was wee. After a while I thought he had stopped so I relaxed with resting. Then I started noticing his behaviour being up and down again and tested and it was positive and he swore it’s wrong. I knew deep down it wasn’t though. But I stayed because I hoped things would be ok. I’ve spent 12 years with him and I wanted so much to have a family unit for the kids. I didn’t have that myself. I then started looking in his wallet and work pockets. He works in a hospital too which is so bad considering doing drugs. I found bloody tissues, mints and gum and nasal inhaler for blocked nose. In his wallet I found lots of white residue and a post it wrapped up with coke inside. I then got drug detection wipes and wiped in there. It turned blue meaning positive for coke. Then I wiped around my bathroom and on the back of the toilet cistern it turned blue also. In my family bathroom. I was devastated. He doesn’t know what I’ve found.
Last night he was being so hostile and I asked him to rest and he said “no!” And that he doesn’t care about my stupid tests. I said the agreement is if he wants to stay and be around the kids he has to test and he said he’s not doing it and I can do what I want. I told him it’s over. He said that’s what I want then. He plays victim so much. Before him I was in a 5 year abusive relationship so this feels like a step up from that and I don’t know anything better.
Basically I’m just looking for support. Or advice or something. I don’t have people I can talk to and I’m all over the place. Thank you if you got this far.
I’m just brokenhearted 💔
Source
He won’t quit until he wants to, no amount of pressure or testing will make him. Unfortunately you have to be the adult in this situation seen as he’s acting like a child. Put yourself and your children first and start fresh without him. It only takes one incident to put yourself family at risk, and he’s not worth the risk or the pressure this is causing. He has to take responsibility for himself, you need to do it for your family. You might surprise yourself and actually enjoy living without all the pressure and lies xx
What if the kids found the drugs and took it I would get out now I know it’s hard leaving after 12 years but my children’s safety comes first
I was there for 20 years and found out he was doing it in my house with our kids too. I did the best thing eventually and reported him for the abuse, drug taking etc its changed my life around. You shouldn’t have to live like that. No one should.
What happens if the kids accidentally take drugs? That would be my main priority. He needs help and the kids need to be living somewhere safe.
Hey girl, I am so sorry your going through this. My Husband was the same, its the lies lies more lies the mistrusting and second guessing yourself at every turn that hurts the most. With my Husband everything came out on his 40th birthday. I told him he could choose drugs or his family. If he choose family he had to prove to us he was clean and get professional help. We went through his GP and the referred him to the addiction team who where and are still amazing they did counselling with him to try and get to the route cause, he also had an addiction to co codamol not just cocaine. The do random urine sample tests in clinic at least once a month if not more and in 2 weeks time he will officially be clean 3 years and its giving him his life back. I hope your ok mama set your boundaries and stick to them tell close family and friends so you have support and people to turn to, dont worry about judgement (I was so ashamed and believed it was a reflection on me) but it was the best thing I could do is talk to others as I wasn’t on my own! There is a way through keeping your family together but it has to be his choice.
Feel free to PM me if theres anything I can help with or for a vent!xx
You will waste years trying unfortunately. I wasted 8 years on and off with my son’s dad. My son is now 9 and doesn’t really know him as Iv finally put my foot down. It’s not fair on you nor your children to whiteness. The drugs will ALWAYS be put first unless he WANTS to stop. It’s emotionally draining and you shouldn’t have to be detective in your own home. I promise in the long run you will be thankful to have left and moved on for yours and your children’s sake.
A relationship should not be this dramatic, not meant in a bad way but jeez it shouldn’t be causing u so much headache ….. ditch the dude you can do so much better! Move on from all the drama and sh1t he’s causing. You will feel so much better & free! Life is for living not walking on egg shells and picking up after a douche bag who can’t step up to be a partner and dad. Go
Live life x
Yh i would give him an ultimatum. Leave and get help and come back when u are sober or stay on drugs but dont ever come back. So dangerous for the children and u knowing he takes drugs in the bathroom and not saying or doing anything about that is negligent x
His reaction is showing he is already dependant on the drugs, the drugs are already priority for him nothing else matters. Let him go protect you an your children
Protect . Protect .Protect . Your kids first . Then yourself . Then your heart . Plenty of good people if you stop looking the trash .