I’m honestly at a loss and completely exhausted.
I don’t even feel like I can call this co-parenting because it’s never been 50/50. It’s always been more like 90/10.
My kids’ dad and I have been separated for 14 months. In that time, he’s had the kids overnight maybe 6 times, and only when he’s had a bank holiday or a week off work. He currently sees them around 10 hours a week, every Sunday — and that’s his choice.
There is absolutely no reason why he can’t have them more. They are safe and well cared for with him. I honestly feel like it comes down to either laziness, not wanting the responsibility, or wanting to prioritise his own life/girlfriend.
He rarely asks how the kids are doing (8 and 2), yet insists he wants to know what’s going on.
For almost a year I’ve asked if he would start having them overnight every other Saturday. I’ve even offered to drop them to his mum’s and have him bring them home Sunday. But there’s always an excuse — the house isn’t suitable (which it is), or I need to “bear with him” while he sorts out a routine.
I’ve now messaged him asking if he wants to start from the 17th October and then every other Saturday going forward.
I’ve been more than patient, but I’m honestly at the point where if he says he needs more time, I’m considering cutting contact and not allowing him to see the boys.
I know that sounds awful, and it’s not a decision I’d take lightly. I don’t want to stop them having a relationship with their dad, but he can’t just pick and choose when he wants to be a parent. The inconsistency isn’t fair on the kids.
There’s no court order in place, and I know he wouldn’t take me to court because he doesn’t want 50/50. I also can’t afford court myself.
I genuinely don’t know what else to do at this point. Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do? He doesn’t even ask about them. But demands he wants updates on them. He only has Tuesdays and Sundays off.
Source
So sad 🙁
“If he wanted to he would ”
FYI Sat 31st is Halloween. If that makes a difference to you & wanting to take them Trick Or Treating eg
I can see why it would be frustrating to you, but I think my brain works differently. If he doesn’t want them, I wouldn’t be pushing them on him 🤷🏽♀️ don’t want, don’t get. Simple as that.
Is he paying you child maintenance?
Speaking from experience, unfortunately he is unlikely to change. I split from my partner when my daughter was 6 months old and she’s now 14, and the consistency has never been there. He would let her down, prioritise his relationships, treat me awfully when I would point out his behaviour, gaslight me and tell people I stopped him from seeing her when the truth is I tried everything in my power to make sure he had a relationship with her. It drove me to breaking point many times. I sometimes say I wish I’d just cut contact when she was a baby and got on with it myself, my life and my daughter’s life would have been so much better. Now that she’s 14, she understands who has been there for her, and it’s her choice whether she sees him or not, and more often than not she wants to stay here..my honest advice would be to seek legal advice and get something formal in place regarding care arrangements and times and dates. Perhaps mediation so that someone else can listen to both of you and give an outside perspective. If there’s no practical reasons why he can’t be more involved in his child life then the responsibility is on him to step up. And if he chooses not to then you can make a decision about where to go from there. I know it’s not easy, it’s exhausting being the parent who gives 100% and you get no support. But your child will know one day who was there and who wasn’t x
It’s a control thing, he doesn’t want you having any time to yourself.