I Don’t Know How To Love The Way I Look

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I don’t know how to love the way I look.

People say I’m negative about me but I think I’m just honest. I don’t like the way I look. My friends tell me I’m beautiful but do you really see ugly in people you care about?

Would you ever tell someone you loved that their eyes were too small, nose too big, breasts too saggy, bum too big? I wouldn’t I don’t see any imperfections in someone I love but I see them in myself and when I’m honest about my looks and personality I’m told to shut up or to stop being negative but I don’t know how.

I’ve always been told that I’m fat, im ugly, im dumb, im boring etc so when I’ve finally got good people I care about and who care about me with no agenda other than they like me I can’t feel better about me. I don’t feel I have someone who can help me see me in a better light or can help me learn to style my hair better or learn the elusive trick to give myself an eyeliner flick no matter how many YouTube videos I watch because I feel like my friends are bored with my attitude but I don’t know how to change it.

I don’t have any self-confidence that got taken away from me a long time ago. I truly believe I will always be the ugly fat friend. If you have a friend like me please don’t brush off how they feel or tell them to shut up help them. Help them with clothes and make up help them to see how beautiful they really are. Help them to see that actually they are perfect. 

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One comment

  1. Hey, I’m also the fat ugly friend. I completely understand where you are coming from. My husband tells me I’m beautiful. I don’t believe him, nor anyone else. When people pull you down, tell you you’re ugly for so many years it’s hard to believe. It’s hard to get my warped mind around that someone loves me for who I am.
    I’ve had major depression to the point I didn’t take my daughter to school for the whole first year she went there, I left it down to her dad. Then His job changed and I had to take her to school.
    I felt like being sick. I’ve felt so horrible that I, her fat mum had to walk her through the gates of the school and now she would be judge just as I am.

    Then I met some other mums, they are lovely to me. Friendly, welcoming and self loving people who loved me too! We’ve become really good friends. This has helped me a lot. Having people who don’t judge and don’t care.
    My relationship has got better, my confidence has got better and my weight has slightly dropped even if it is only 7lbs down. We walk to school everyday. This has helped me so much also, the first week in September I could barely breathe when we got to school and my face was glowing. Now it’s much easier.

    We will always get comments like you’ve got a lovely face, or you’re really pretty for a bigger lady.

    But fuck them.

    And as a stranger… YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL

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