“I despise what she has become”. My partner said this to me this morning after …

“I despise what she has become”.

My partner said this to me this morning after our 2.5 year old had a meltdown. She has big, inconsolable meltdowns at the moment. She gets very worked up, won’t be reasoned with, refuses comfort and it’s very stressful. She is a typical toddler but also I am looking into autism for this and other reasons. Otherwise she is a clever, funny, beautiful soul who is thriving.

I told him that he hasn’t been hiding his hate for her lately. I think I took him aback, but I’ve been noticing alot lately and I’m so broken by this.

He is generally a loving Dad, but he does struggle with patience for our child. I’m not saying I never lose my patience, but this is regularly, and nothing I suggest seems to stick with him. I feel like the words “she is two” are written on my forehead at this point, I say it almost everyday.

He will barely give her time to think or respond when asking her to do something. He talks to and about her in a spiteful way. I always tell him to stop. He is shouting alot more lately. He has yelled a couple of times. He has moved her with more force than I am comfortable with. I always step in. I have to tell him to put his phone away when he is looking after her, I always come back in the room with her bored and restless and him just lost in his phone. She will talk to him, repeat what she is saying about 10 times, and he will respond when I tell him to talk to her. He bathes her, and he sits looking at his iPod. When doing simple things for her, it usually always ends up in her crying, because he reverts back to the way he was brought up. He gives her scornful looks when she is doing a typical toddler behaviour, like playing with her food. He regularly tells me he wants to ‘palm her off’ with someone else.

His parents weren’t good to him, he has not done any reflection of his childhood and now it is coming through in his parenting. I have told him that our daughter will feel the same about him one day as he feels about his own parents. It hasn’t stuck.

I don’t know how to solve this. I’m so upset hearing that he despises her, especially as she is our rainbow baby. I’ve longed, carried, doted on her so much, I can’t fathom this.


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