Hi, please may I have a private post?
Sorry it’s a long one!
Context:
1. I am a first time mum.
2. My Sister (35+) fell out with our parents & both sides of the family & moved out of my parents house & in with her new partner whilst they were away.
3. My parents are meant to be having my baby for 2 days a week when I return to work.
Story:
1. When my sister moved out she refused to tell anyone where she lived but apparently they’d moved out of the original flat & got given a new flat.
2. The first time she met my baby was in a local community centre (he was just under 3 weeks old & I was still recovering from a C-section). It was our first time out as a family & I met her there because otherwise she wouldn’t get to see him.
3. Following on from this she’d only ever meet me in car parks so she’d only ever see him asleep in his car seat as I live an hour away so by the time I got to her he was asleep.
4. A year(ish) later out of the blue she decided to start contact with my parents (there were small instances in between where she’d need a lift & my parents always gave her an envelope with some money in it to help her get back home). During this time she repeatedly showed my Mum (who she originally fell out with) letters with her address on showing that she didn’t actually move out of the original flat.
5. One of the small instances of original contact was when she needed a lift to A&E I was visiting my parents with my baby so offered to drop her off on my way home. I asked why she was going & she just said she’d been unwell. I later found out from my Mum that she’d taken an overdose – she was asking the girlfriend to give her multiple antidepressants to make her sleep all day.
6. My Sister messaged me one day out the blue asking me not to buy her partners Nan a thank you card (she’d knitted my baby a cardigan) so when asked why she began to explain they don’t like her anymore & that she wanted my sisters partner to go out with her Gardner so she can have a baby because ‘there aren’t any in her family’ (my sister is in a lesbian relationship & so they cannot just ‘make a baby’) & that’s the ‘only’ reason why she knitted the cardigan for my baby. She proceeded to say she was going to move out of her partners flat because of her nan.
7. I messaged back & voiced that I was a bit annoyed that she’d openly provided her address to out mum multiple times (who she originally fell out with) but never give it to me (who done nothing wrong) & for months since my baby has been born have had me meet her in carparks & that the first time she met him was in a local community centre whilst I was still recovering from surgery. (I would have much rather have taken him to her flat so we were all more comfortable & it be a much better environment)
8. I also asked if she knew the reasons for why the cardigan was made prior to this as it don’t sit right with me that this lady would make a cardigan for my baby because she wants her granddaughter to have a baby & that there are no babies in her family … especially because I then found out this lady was a wife of a convicted PDFile who fully supported him.
9. My sister & her partner also tried to get us to visit this ladies house with the baby numerous times & after finding out this information I feel physically sick.
10. She decided to play the victim card & took no accountability saying ‘it’s not her fault she was told not to give her address out’ & that she ‘won’t bother me again’ & blocked me. I’ve noticed she’ll always blame someone else so she doesn’t get the blame & when she moves back home all will be pushed under the rug with my parents because ‘it wasn’t her, it was … fault’
11. Our Dad especially has voiced multiple times that he wants her to move back home.
Since she blocked me:
1. She’s often ringing our Mum asking permission to buy my child things.
2. She’s told our Mum she’s going to buy my baby a bangle.
3. She’s not asked how my baby is.
Question:
1. Am I right to be upset that she made me meet her in a community Center & carparks for months so she could see my baby?
2. Am I right to be angry/upset at the fact she lied to me when taking her to A&E & that anything could’ve happened to her in my car with my baby & I wouldn’t be prepared for it, let alone have just dropped her off.
3. Am I right to be angry/upset & grossed out about the reasons of why the cardigan was made for my baby?
4. Am I right to be upset at her asking my mum permission to buy my baby things, when she’s his nan not his mum.
5. Am I right to be upset that she’s apparently buying him his first baby bangle when to me that’s quite a sentimental gift (which I want to buy for him). I can’t help but feel she’s doing this on purpose to upset me plus she’s been struggling with money hence my parents giving her envelopes with money in so where & why now can she afford a bangle that £100+ plus another 2/3 gifts that she’s already got for him for Christmas.
6. I’m not sure what to do if she moves back in with my parents because although I’m not the type to prevent a relationship with my child I don’t feel it’s deserved when she’s blocked me. Should I still let my parents have him & deal with it if she does return home? Am I just over reacting?
Thanks for reading & for your comments.
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