Hi. Can I have a private post please.
I’m a very proud mum to four amazing kids who are my life they are now all in their early teens and unfortunately for all of their lives they have seen me me be either verbally or physically abused and up until a year ago saw the person that they classed as a step parent do nothing to help around the house and just speak to me and them like dirt.
It had got to the point now that they have no respect for me or the house that we live in because they have been shown by the people that were supposed to help set them a good example that it is ok to treat me and the house like rubbish because thats all tge y have ever known even though I have tried my hardest to explain to them otbereiae.
I have now met a lovely new partner who gets very frustrated by the way that they speak to me and the fact that they will do nothing to help apart from my eldest as I work full time and I’m the only person. To support them. How can I get them to see that it shoukdnt be like this
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Worst thing is I called the teenage years the shit face years, hopefully they will grow out of it but just keep on doing what you’re trying to do, talk to them and just keep on saying you don’t need to be spoken to that way, i’d also say to mine you can keep your room like a shit tip but respect the rest of the house
You allowed it in the first instance so they know no different. Actions speak louder than words. How can you try to explain how they should be acting when what they were seeing physically tells them something different!?
You can’t expect your kids to behave like angels when they witnessed your ‘partner’ and their example behave they way they are now acting. You left it too late for their behaviour to be any different so your new partner will just have to accept it just like you did for all those years.
A lot of counselling
Ages of kids…?
Get them to read this post, tell them you have got to the stage where you are at your wits end to gain some respect, respect that you deserve and they should want you to feel respected and loved.
Isn’t their real dad involved? I understand your new partner is frustrated the way they speak to you but its not his place to get involved.
You not leaving sooner would have erased this. You are correct in saying that they saw and basically were taught this is how to act towards you. You cannot force them to treat you in the correct way. It has to be in time. Put them in counseling in the meantime. They are victims too. Good luck
Monkey see monkey do, thats the issue. It is hard to change isnt it and even harder if they feel the behaviour is just normal. Maybe withdraw from doing some of their care such as meals or laundry, tell them that you feel disrespected on a daily and u r not here for that. Most kids have some chores to do so maybe give each a set daily job and see how they like having to do that for no thanks or appreciation. I do feel that most families are having respect issues and you are not alone there. Hang in mama, hoping for brighter days for u