Hi, can I have an anon post please.
My son has just turned 18. His dad died 3 months before his 18th birthday. I’ve always been a bit over anxious as a mum, but since his dad died I’m even worse.
He goes clubbing, goes to the gym which requires going through a dark park and as it’s a 24 hour gym he goes late at night. I have him on life 360. This morning I woke from a dream about his dad. His dad’s driving licence was covered in blood (no relation to how he died, it was a sudden and fatal heart attack…my son has the faulty heart gene too). I immediately check 360 for my son and it showed him going the gym and home again and then going back out and had him in the park at 4:05 which is when I woke with a start. And now battery dead. Immediately my brain went to omg he’s stabbed to death in the park, is it too dark to find him. I race downstairs to his room (I’m in the attic) and check, he is asleep in bed. Didn’t see him at first.
Why am I so anxious? Me and his dad had not been together for 15 years when he passed, but as I held his already dead hand in the hospital I promised him I’d keep our boy safe. And it seems I’m now anxious I won’t always be able to, and that thought cripples me. I’m happily married, been with my husband nearly 15 years, have a child together ect. My ex’s death absolutely shook me and my son to the core.
I don’t know what I’m hoping for here. Maybe just some validation that mum worries are a thing and how to maybe ease it a bit. Thanks
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Go to your Dr x
Your feelings are 100% valid. Talk to your son tell him how your feeling and maybe yous can work out a plan on maybe him phoning you every so often to let you know hes ok and stuff.
💯 validation for your anxieties. Please speak to your GP regarding grief counselling. As mum’s we will always worry about our children, even as adults. It sounds like your worry is grief related with the sudden loss of your husband xxx
My 23year old son passed away 2 years ago and I’m so over anxious about my other children now, even my 2 adult children. I’ve definitely got a bit better now time has passed.
I am so sorry for you and your son’s loss! Your anxiety is completely understandable, it’s only been 3 months, and you are both still processing the shock, as it sounds like it was a sudden death. Time will make things better, but just remember that there is also no time limit, take each day as it comes. Maybe speak to GP if you are really struggling, they may be able to refer you to talking Therapies or CBT, which might be more beneficial than medication ( but if you do need meds, take them!) Make sure your son gets grief counselling when he is ready. Xxxxxx
Mum worries is 100% a real thing and I do not think you are in anyway unusual having these feelings and anxiety after such a traumatic experience and loss. Sit down and have a chat with your son and explain your fears to him, he probably will think you are being dramatic but he will hopefully take it all in and might rethink some of his decisions so as not to give you extra worries.
His dad was apart of your life, together or not.
I lost my dad last year and it was unexpected and I had to make ‘that’ decision.
Best thing I did not just for me but my family, was grief counselling. It saved me.
I would recommend you get in touch with your local and private counselling in your area. I went private in the end, but it helped so much.
You’ve got this.
You have ptsd and anxiety maybe talk to you doctor about it . I don’t think saying it to your son will help as he has enough going on dealing with his dad’s death. Fair play to him for still going out and to the gym u dont want him stopping doing things because your anxious ❤️
my own kids are 23,26,29 and believe me i still worry, we have find my iphone tracking and we all track each other but every monday when my oldest has to drive swindon to didcot for work i have to check he’s arrived both there and home, my husband drives coaches oxford to london another dangerous road with accidents daily that also causes me anxiety but we all check in regularly with each other one way or another which helps, sounds like your also grieving its early days and also knowing your son has the same condition as his dad won’t help that anxiety, speak to your doctor and ask for help to deal with it all x
Horrendous circumstances & im so sorry for you!😪May I ask how old you are?It could also be Perimeno related if you’re 40’s ish?Crippling anxiety & waking up suddenly are very typical symptoms I’ve suffered myself frequently even now!Please have a chat with a doctor in any case xx
Sending much love ❤️