Private post please
Any advice, no hate as I’m upset enough as it is. I have an 18yr old son who is getting further and further away from me. He has a naff to say the least peer group, he drives and I’m constantly worrying. Was arrested back in May for stuff I won’t go into, was pulled over last night by police, I’m at my wits end as a parent – his dad is no help just says I’m the reason he has turned out the way he has. His step dad I feel can sometimes be over the top with how he disciplines, I’m caught in the middle and I just don’t know what to do as his behaviour is escalating. No he can’t live with his dad, have tried taking care of keys, all I’m worried about is everyone says I’m a good mum so why has this happened. He speaks to me like absolute toilet and the level of disrespect is unreal. I know I can’t protect him and he has to learn from his own mistakes but that’s not me, he has just started a job and I don’t want his life going down the wrong path. I have kept all this to myself, I’m too embarrassed to tell his dad the full picture, let alone his grandparents as I don’t want anyone thinking bad of him, he does have autism (social and behaviour issues) not excusing this behaviour but adding for co text
Everytime I speak he shuts me down, or just shouts, boarderimg on a narcissistic- just after some ideas that may work
Please don’t say do this do that if you’ve not really been in a similar predicament I just want to hear things that may help
Source
Your keeping things from his dad so how can he help if your not telling him the full story but when your fella disciplines him it’s too much..He’s 18 lots kids act like this as they think there adults at 18 and can do what they like but if your letting him get away with speaking to you like poo and got no respect ..talk too his dad & send him there for few weeks and bet he will
Soon want come home..I’ve done it and soon wanting be back home and came back different person
Well he’s an adult so you can kick him out.
If he won’t speak to you about whats going on for him then maybe counselling.
Is he taking drugs?
Sadly he has to work out his life for himself
Stop been a punch bag
Yes We all want to protect Our kids
He doesn’t want this .
Let him deal with it .
Let him ask for help ( If He Can)
Get your self a life and focus on You instead of magnifying his life and every step he makes .
Your an amazing Mum ( stop policing)
Talk to the two dads I think as fellas get older it’s time for the dads to take over,tell them to learn him how to be a responsible man,tell the dad that complains about how you do things,that it’s all on him now,you need to look after yourself
My sister was what you would call a ‘wrong en’
My parents tried everything! She is 2 years older than me and all I remember is the police at our door nightly. She would run away, do drugs. We were brought up in the same house and my parents were absolutely amazing !
It’s not always the parents, some just go off the rails. She moved out at 16 and it was amazing. No more stress.
Sometimes you just have to let them get on with it, goes against the grain when your a parent. He’s 18- he needs to face the music where his behaviour is concerned. He will either come out a better person or he will take longer.
All he needs to know if your there for him when he messes up, don’t cover for him and make sure he faces the music.
Remember he’s an adult and he doesn’t need to be under your roof, if he’s causing too much shit then he needs to grow a pair and get a job and a flat xx
If he was pulled over by the police, he could have a marker on his vehicle.
If he’s living under your roof he abides by your rules, dont be tip toeing around him. I know he’s your son but he has to show respect.
He’s working now so ask him for rent £50 a week. If he doesn’t like it he knows where the door is.
Harsh i know, but your the adult not him.
Ok, you do know that over 80% of ppl in prison have ADHD right?
No judgement on you at all but if he’s already been diagnosed with autism then there is a chance is has ADHD.
This is absolutely no excuse but he may well be really struggling with impulse control.
That aside don’t be ashamed of his behaviour it’s a him problem not yours and don’t hide the fact that he is letting himself and you down by his actions. It might actually be that if everybody knows what he’s being doing he may feel some kind of embarrassment and remorse. It’s him that should be ashamed not your ((hugs))
No advice as my children are young but i couldnt scroll
I have a good friend who has had many issues with her son story similar and she is an incredible parent
Its very easy for people to say kick them out etc but its really not that simple. The 2 men in his life need to step up – book yourself a week away alone and let them deal with the fall out
Clear your head youll find the best way for you eventually x
First thing I’d be doing is arranging with his dad an independent conversation about everything thats been going on totally air everything as your currently not on the same wavelength hiding and keeping things back from him. If you both have the same info u can parent together rather than half /half or one feeling that they r too severe
Let the men of the family sort him out . He wants to act the man , let them show him how.