Please can I post privately 🙏
My youngest (22) son is quite tricky to get along with & can be quite blunt & disrespectful at times. I suspect he’s on the spectrum but after a few difficult years, I feel like I have a pretty ok relationship with him. Recently he was being unreasonable about a situation & I got quite stressed about it. I told my husband (his step father of 6/7 years) & he took it into his own hands to have it out with him. He went way over the top & shoved my son & threatened him if he was ever disrespectful to me again. My son immediately left the house & says he won’t be coming back & if my husband goes near him he’ll beat him up.
I’m furious with my husband as he behaved in a manner I could never condone. He’s admitted he went too far & doesn’t know why he did (he doesn’t have a history of this type of behaviour) & wants to apologize & put things right.
I’m guessing my son is staying locally with a friend, he won’t reply to my mssgs & I feel very low & alone in all this. I feel too ashamed & embarrassed to talk to friends about it & his siblings don’t want to get involved. Does this sort of thing blow over, do kids come back once their anger has calmed, should I forgive my husband for this unwarranted outburst. I could live with him shouting at his step son but surely not shoving & threats?
Source
Oh hell no. He needs to apologize and make things right with your son.
I think the main problem is your 22 year old Son being disrespectful, maybe step dad went a bit far, but with good intentions? He should apologise for going too far but leave it at that? had Son been showing you the respect he should be, all of it could of been avoided and I wouldn’t have him turning this all around on to your husband at all, he’s 22 and the conversation shouldn’t of been necessary in the first place.
Maby your son should have thought about your feeling when he was treating you the way he did.he.s a man he neads to take responsibility for his actions also its not ok to treat your mother badly either maby your husband had watched more than you thought that your son treated you with discontent also over the years.And yes it would be good to iron out the problem and lay boundaries.
What’s done is done, it can’t be changed now. You can only reach out to both sides & offer to hear both points of view. What is agreed upon after that will depend entirely on the individuals
As he doesn’t have a history of it and he can see he was in the wrong and wants to apologise I can’t see a reason you wouldn’t forgive him
No one is perfect
Maybe some time apart from your son might help with him been disrespectful
I’d give him time