Private post please
Sorry if this is a bit all over the place I’m just looking for some honest advice from other mums because I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.
I’ve been with my partner for several years and we have two young children together. Since having the kids, I’ve basically become the default parent. I do the majority of the childcare, housework and everything that comes with running a family. He works, comes home, goes out the road /on his phone and then spends most of the evening watching TV once the kids and I are away to bed. There’s very little communication between us unless I make the effort and no effort to be physical etc.
I’ve spoken to him about this so many times. I’ve explained how exhausted and overwhelmed I feel and that I desperately need some support. Every time, I get the same response that he’s tired, that he’s sorry and that he’ll do better. Things might improve briefly, but then it goes straight back to how it was.
I also recently found out that he’d been messaging another woman he met online. Nothing physical happened in person but there were inappropriate messages and photos exchanged. When I confronted him, he was clearly shocked that I’d found out and apologised. Because we have children and because part of me still believes the person I fell in love with is somewhere in there, I decided to forgive him and give him another chance.
Unfortunately, he carried on doing it even after I found out and confronted him. I forgave him again, although I’m starting to question why I keep giving chances when his actions don’t seem to change.
Since then, I’ve also discovered more lies and things that have been kept from me. I feel like I don’t even know who I’m in a relationship with anymore.
I’ve supported him in so many ways over the years, including financially, and I’ve ended up in debt because of things I’ve done to help him. I have actually kept records of what he owes me and have paperwork that he signed, with other people witnessing it, so I’m hoping I may at least have some protection there.
I’m completely drained. I barely get any time for myself, I don’t get to see friends or even have a proper break, and I feel like I’m carrying the whole family while also dealing with betrayal and lies.
So I guess I’m asking other mums: if you were in my position, would you leave?
I keep telling myself to stay for the children, but I’m starting to wonder whether staying in an unhappy relationship is actually better for them or whether I need to put myself and my children first and walk away.
Please be kind. I’m already struggling with what to do.
Source
Yeah nah he would be gone!! U deserve so much better than that
I could have written this post myself! Trust me when I tell you this, life actually gets EASIER once he goes! Currently you’re caring for your children and an extra child! Also, how utterly disrespectful to you to talk to other women and even carry on once confronted! Nah, I would have walked away a long time ago. I do get why you’re thinking about staying for the kids, but trust me they are picking up on the energy in the house more than you realise, and getting out sooner rather than later will serve them mentally better in the long run.
I spent 6 years desperately unhappy in my marriage and I literally carried the entire household, whilst dealing with chronic pain disorders and AuDHD. When he left a lot of my pain went with him, and now I’m happy again, and manage the pain a lot better. I hung on for so long because of the kids and the overwhelming pain but in actual fact I’m better without him. 4 years on and I’m head over hills with the most caring amazing guy and life couldn’t be better!
This man is holding you back from being alive and happy. Ditch him! Make sure you get legal advice on the money side. Get your ducks in a row before you end it xx
Walk away, he has proven he wont change and things will only get worse as time moves on. Why would he want to change when you keep forgiving him, he has no respect for you or your relationship. Good luck moving forward, it isnt easy but you wont be the first or last single mum. Good luck
Dont leave but tell him to leave!!! Youve given waaaaaaay too many chances and obviously he hasnt changed. Ur practically a single parent any way, so make the decision and tell him its over!! U and ur kids deserve so much better than he is giving you ❤️😻❤️ xxx
Leave don’t just stay because of the kids as they know they can feel stuff if wrong.
If you didn’t have kids what would you have done. Your parting ways not him and the kids. Your a single parent and maybe separating he will be able to have that relationship with the children at his own place. Tell him to start paying you back £100 a month towards the debt and come up with CM payment aswell so your clearly debt off aswell. He’s using you but seeking others how do you know he’s not physically cheated as you don’t know what he’s telling the truth about anymore you deserve to be happy not look after another child and worry he’s not pulling his weight he’s causing you more stress then you need x