Could I have a private post please? I’m a new mum myself and would really appre…

Could I have a private post please?

I’m a new mum myself and would really appreciate some advice from anyone who has been through something similar.

My partner has a primary school aged son who has become extremely fussy with food over the last year. He used to eat quite well, things like different pasta dishes, fish fingers with mash and veg etc. but something seems to have changed and his palate has become very limited. He also takes an extremely long time to eat so even if we sit him down at 5:30 for dinner he will not finish his food for a good hour and a half. I feel this is more to do with that bedtime is quite a battle too.

At the moment, the foods he will reliably eat are plain burgers, garlic bread, cheese pizza, tomato-based pasta, tuna sandwiches, avocado sandwiches/toast, beans on toast and yoghurts.

I recently made an unseasoned homemade macaroni cheese which he’s previously eaten before and he refused to touch it, in fact covered it with mayonnaise and ketchup and then still refused to try it. I tried to pair elements of his meals into meals I could make for me and my partner so I served him rice, korma sauce in a side dish, battered chicken, vegetables and naan bread and he would not touch a thing.

He doesn’t like strong flavours and won’t eat ham, bacon, fish or chicken (unless battered) and vegetables are particularly difficult. At a push he will eat some cucumber and corn on the cob but if this is served with something he doesn’t like he will not touch it at all. I try to keep all elements of his food separate too. I have tried offering vegetables alongside meals without forcing him to eat them, and I’ve also tried blending vegetables into tomato sauce. Unfortunately, meals often resulted in refusal, tantrums or comments such as “I didn’t ask for this” or “I want ‘x’ instead.”

I’m probably overthinking this because I’m a new mum, but I’m struggling with where the balance is between “at least he’s eating something” and wanting him to have a reasonably nutritious diet.

I was brought up very much with “you eat what you’re given” and there wasn’t another option if you didn’t like dinner. But I don’t want to recreate that approach with him, particularly as mealtimes have become quite emotionally charged. We never force him to eat vegetables, but I normally serve a couple alongside his meal.

We’ve reached the point where if he doesn’t want what has been cooked, he’ll sometimes refuse the meal entirely and have yoghurts instead. During my pregnancy and early postpartum period I had to leave most of the meal planning to my partner, as I simply didn’t have the capacity to deal with the refusals and tantrums, so meals became things like sandwiches and microwave meals.

Meals out have also become tiresome as he’ll often request two children’s portions of food (for example one burger and one pizza) and if it’s not what he’s expected he will not eat it. My partners mum will then offer him dessert despite him not finishing any of the main food.

One thing I’m also conscious of is that he used to eat a lot of tuna. At one point he would be eating up to six cans a week, so we decided that when he’s staying with us we’d limit tuna to one portion because we don’t know how much he has elsewhere and I was growing concerned about the mercury content.

He does have some difficulties with emotional regulation generally. I absolutely don’t want to diagnose or label him I’m just trying to understand whether there could be something behind the sudden change or whether it is worth looking into.

I know very little about the types of meals he is served at home with his mum but over video calls or at pick up it seems he is generally fed baked beans on toast and sandwiches. I know that he has school meals but is also given a packed lunch just in case he doesn’t eat it. I’m not judging, I just want to know whether I’m fighting a losing battle trying to introduce new foods.

I’m conscious that food is becoming a bit of a battleground and I really don’t want him developing negative feelings around eating or feeling that food is something he has to fight adults over. It is also having a huge impact on his bedtime routine.

I’m wondering what other parents would do? Would you concentrate on making sure he’s eating enough from the foods he currently accepts, even if they’re not particularly nutritious? Or would you continue serving different meals and encouraging him to try different foods?

I will be starting to wean my baby in the next few months and have taken over the responsibility of food again as my partner is really busy with work. It is difficult already planning multiple meals and cooking separately to the point where sometimes me and my partner don’t sit down to eat our own food until 11pm as dinner time has caused so much upset. Thinking about then adding feeding my baby on top of this is already making me so anxious


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