Can someone please tell me I’m not going insane.
My son from a previous relationship is 12. I have two other children with my husband. I raised my oldest boy on my own from the age of 21 and have a lot of negative feelings towards his father for all the times he hasn’t showed up for my son, hasn’t contributed financially and hasn’t as much as even done a nights homework with him since he started school. He has never even provided a room for him at his house or bed. My son for this reason has always refused overnight contact so instead his father takes him 2 nights a week to his football club then brings him home as soon as it’s finished. Despite this I have never made how I view or think of his father known to him and have always had him see us get on and when he picks him up he always chapped the door and came in and chatted before they would leave so he has always seen us get along. However my son is 12 now and it’s becoming increasingly annoying that he now doesn’t chap the door but instead just walks in and will pick up my other two children and throw them around etc when they are eating dinner. I have asked several times not to do this as he’s disrupting their dinner but he ignores it. I have asked him to start chapping my door but he ignores it. I also had been allowing his mum to come over into my house as it was the only way my son would see his gran as his father doesn’t spend enough time with him to take him to visit her. She also has been overstepping a lot of boundaries and ignoring them like for example preaching to me about my youngest two eating sweets or watching tv when they aren’t her grandchildren to comment on. My husband is also becoming quite uncomfortable with it all. I said to my son’s father from now on can he just toot the horn outside and I’ll send my son out when he’s picking him up and it’s caused massive arguments. He has accused me of isolating my youngest 2 from adults! Because I said I wasn’t comfortable with him and his mum in my house every week. He is making a massive issue about not seeing my youngest 2 children who are not his.
From me and my husbands pov we don’t see it necessary he sees our 2 children as their not his! And he is my ex, our son is old enough now he can just go out to the car when he comes. I have also so much negative feelings towards him that I do not want to be around him or speak to him if not necessary and now my sons at high school I feel we don’t need to see each other as much anymore. My son has a phone so he could message him on that instead of the constant calls and messages to me but my son will very rarely answer the phone to him and I think that’s down to how little time he spent with him growing up the bond isn’t very strong.
He also has a girlfriend for the past 7years so I don’t think it’s anything to do with not moving on.
I’m looking for advice if I’m in the wrong here? He is making me feel so guilty for asking him to not come into my house and see my youngest 2 and how would you approach this? I’m absolutely clueless tbh as I’ve never heard anything like it.
Please post anonymous
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Your husband answers the door, which will be locked and he’ll stand at the door while you go elsewhere with the youngest children. He’ll call your son to come down to his dad. He’ll let the son out, then shut the door. Your ex is trying to harm your marriage don’t let him
Lock the door so he cant get in
No ur absolutely not in the wrong! If u dont want him in ur house then thats that! My daughters dad was a horrible man and I would never have wanted him just walking in my house and playing with my other kids. That said I got on with my other kids dad and would have happily let him walk in and say hello etc and I would have liked that ‘one big happy family’ feeling. But ultimately it depends on how u feel and what that guy is like. Like I said no way would have i allowed or wanted my daughters dad near any of us xxx
You are not being in any way unreasonable. There should be boundaries in place especially surrounding your other children. Do not let him make you feel guilty for putting those boundaries in place. I think you’ve been amazing keeping quiet all these yrs.