Is This What Child Maintenance Is For?

I am often told by others who never had to struggle to make ends meet, that I should just forget about child maintenance payments, so I can move on and forget my ex.

Yesterday I let my 11 yr old daughter out with friends. I gave her £5 and hoped she would bring back change and not squander it, as it was put by to pay towards her P7 leavers hoodie.

Her friends had much more to spend and went to a cafe. My daughter decided she didn’t have enough and felt guilty if she spent it, so wandered off to see if she could find anyone else to hang around with.

She wandered to the other side of town. She has a mobile but I am unable to top it up. I phoned a few times to check she was ok but she didn’t answer.

Finally I got a hold of her and she was crying and said she was upset as she felt unable to join her friends at the cafe.

I put my shoes on to walk across town to meet her.( no car). As I headed down the road A car stopped and a disgruntled woman let my daughter out her car, muttering how irresponsible parents are to let their children wander off.

My daughter was offered a lift home by a stranger. I’m still shocked how my daughter agreed to get in a stranger’s car.

Once we calmed down, we had a chat why she got in the car. She says she felt so down and lonely as she couldn’t be with her friends in the cafe because I couldn’t afford to give her more money to spend and felt guilty if she spent it, she burst into tears and the woman stopped the car to offer her a lift She felt obliged to get in.

I am lucky the woman was genuine and brought her back. I feel like the worst mum as I can’t provide her enough to top up her phone just now and let her have a normal teen social life.

All because ex won’t pay child support.

Emailed in and asked for anonymous blog post

Is this what child maintenance is for? To help children to live normal lives, or is it just the mums responsibility to work harder to give her treats or both mum and dad?

2 comments

If he’s working and in a stable job then it’s the law he has to pay. My ex said he didn’t have to pay as he paid for him when he saw him .. doesn’t work that way. Get Child Maintenance involved, they’ll sort it all for you if you can get as much info as you can about your ex partner

This makes me so angry. It is both parents responsibility, you both had a child together, why should the partner who left get out of paying for their child. If you were still together he would have to pay for her, she doesn’t stop needing stuff jut because he doesn’t live with her. 😡
My daughters SD did exactly the same, she was much younger though (1/2) luckily between my parents and I she never went with out, I did though I went days without eating, weeks I’d have to stay at my parents in the winter because we struggled with the heating bill (it was an old flat and not much insulation) being so high.
I then met my husband who literally accepted her as his own from day 1. He is her dad, like me he make sure she doesn’t go with out. Is there for her to support her, care for her and supply for her, he is amazing. Though I still think why does the SD just get away with it.
Sorry to rant. But my point is, if I didn’t have the family support I had, I would have had to push and seek angencies that would help get the money that is actually owed to my daughter, it’s not for me or the custodial parent, it is money for the child. And He needs to realise what effect this is having on your daughter.
Also you are clearly doing an amazing job as a mum, if your scraping together just so your daughter can ‘fit’ in with friends. It’s so hard, but when she is older she will appreciate it so much more than she does now.