Hi, please can I have an anonymous post?
I don’t know if I’m being dramatic, but I’ve been feeling really uncomfortable around my boyfriend’s mum lately and I honestly don’t know whether I’m overreacting.
My boyfriend and I are both 23 and we’re due our first baby in two months. We’re so excited and literally can’t wait to meet our little one. Everything was completely fine until around a month ago, when I started noticing a change in the way his mum behaves towards him whenever I’m around.
She has suddenly started constantly talking to him in a baby voice, but apparently only when I’m there. My boyfriend has even said she never does it when it’s just the two of them.
She’ll say things like, “Come here my LICCLE boy, give your mummy some kisses and cuddles.” Last weekend, we were lying in bed and she came into the room, climbed on top of him and put her arm and leg around him, saying, “Come here my LICCLE boy, give me a kiss.” – Baring in mind she had been with him the 2 days prior without me being there.
It’s got to the point where I feel genuinely uncomfortable. I keep wondering, why has this suddenly started happening, and why does she only do it when I’m there? She sees him regularly and had spent the whole weekend with him, yet she didn’t do any of this when I wasn’t around.
I know he’s her son and obviously she loves him, and I completely understand that. But something about the way she’s behaving makes my skin crawl, and I can’t help feeling like she’s almost trying to mark her territory, if that makes sense?
I’m now at the point where I don’t even want to go to her house because it happens EVERY time, and I just sit there feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I’m also seven months pregnant, so I know I’m probably more irritated and emotional than usual, but this genuinely gets under my skin and I can’t stop thinking about why she’s suddenly started doing it.
My boyfriend keeps asking why I don’t want to come to his house anymore, but I haven’t told him the real reason because I don’t want him to think I’m slagging his mum off. I also worry that he’ll think I’m being weird or jealous because, obviously, it’s his mum and he’s probably not going to see it the same way I do. I even feel silly writing this because I know how it sounds.
You always hear about the stereotypical “boy mums” who struggle to let go of their sons, and I’m starting to worry that this is what’s happening here.
There’s also the fact that I have absolutely no relationship or bond with her. She’s never really made an effort to get to know me or ask me anything about myself, despite me always making an effort with her and knowing loads about her. I think that makes the whole situation feel even worse because I already feel like there’s no real connection between us.
Now I’m spiralling thinking about when I give birth. If she comes to the hospital to meet the baby and starts gushing over my boyfriend/her son and doing the baby voice again, I honestly feel like I’m going to lose it — especially after giving birth and already being emotional and vulnerable.
So, what do I actually do? Am I being dramatic and hormonal, or would you also find this uncomfortable? Do I need to say something to my boyfriend, and if so, how do I explain it without making it sound like I’m attacking his mum?
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Yeah this is definitely not you. It’s fucking weird and would make me very uncomfortable. Climbing on top of him while he’s in bed with his partner? Like what the actual fuck?! Who does that? 🤦🏻♀️ I’d be talking to him and I would not be holding back. He needs to know that his mother’s behaviour is not normal and it’s creeping you out. I don’t get how he hasn’t figured that out in his own.
She acting very weird and your boyfriend needs to tell her . I see the fact he’s not as a major 🚩. You and baby should be his priority . He should have put her straight a long time ago when she didn’t engage with you . I’m actually seeing him as more a problem than her . Why can’t he stand up to her? . It feels like he’s choosing his mums feelings over yours and that’s not good . I would also wonder where the lines have been drawn between them . It’s a very Un boundaried relationship . Imagine if a father were to jump on his daughter while she’s in bed with her boyfriend . It’s very creepy . He needs to have a serious word .
It’s not normal at all – has she other children?
If you feel uncomfortable then you definitely need to be honest with him and tell him
I think you’re spot on and she’s feeling like she’s losing her “likkle boy”. Tell your boyfriend to speak to her and tell her it’s making him (and you) uncomfortable. It’s understandable she’ll feel like she has to let go now he’s becoming a dad so she’s infantilising him to process this part of his development.
It’s bizarre but it does kind of make sense. Have him reassure her he still loves her, but he needs the baby voice to stop as it’s just plain weird.
As for the hospital, set clear boundaries and have her stick to them. It’s your baby and your choice
The climbing on top of him is not normal for a mother/son relationship. Coming in to your room like that is invading your space. The baby talk is very strange. I think your husband needs to talk to her about her behaviour. She may be scared that once you have your own family she will be obsolete. If your relationship has been good before then it could be fear. You could invite her round for a coffee and make her feel needed by asking her advice or tell her what a great grandmother she is going to be. Good luck with it and your future baby.
She sounds jealous and it’s all a lot weird 🤢 I do wonder where the lines where drawn as a child 😕
I have 3 loving sons 23 / 21 / 18 and they always want hugs and always buy me flowers and all got girlfriends.. They are still my babies and so is my 16 year old daughter . I think jealous is kicking in here between mother & son .
It may just be that as his due his first baby she knows that’s it he will have his own family now and be officially a dad and a man sounds like he was or is probably the biggest mummy’s boy and she’s trying to hold onto that last little bit of him . I don’t think it has anything actually to do with you or what she thinks of you but I would definitely put some boundaries in place ready for when you have your own baby and she sounds like the type of grandparent who may become a bit over bearing
Honestly, I’m sorry but I would be uncomfortable too 😭🤣 It’s not the baby voice on its own that would bother me — it’s the fact she apparently only does it when you’re there, and then she’s climbing onto her grown adult son in bed, wrapping her arm and leg around him and asking him for kisses. I’m sorry but WHAT?! 😂
People can say “he’s her son” all they want, but being someone’s mum doesn’t automatically mean every behaviour is normal or that their partner has to be comfortable with it. You’re not saying she can’t love or cuddle her son — you’re saying the sudden change in behaviour, specifically when you’re present, is making you uncomfortable.
And honestly, I think you need to tell your boyfriend. Not “your mum is a weirdo” 🤣 but simply, “I know she’s your mum and I’m not trying to come between you, but some of the things she’s been doing lately make me uncomfortable and I’ve been keeping it to myself because I didn’t want to upset you.”
Also, I wouldn’t blame everything on pregnancy hormones. You’re allowed to have boundaries and feel uncomfortable about something regardless of whether you’re pregnant or not.
And I’d definitely be having the conversation about the hospital BEFORE you give birth. You’re going to be vulnerable, exhausted and emotional enough without sitting there internally screaming because your MIL has decided it’s time for her grown son to become her LICCLE BOYYYY again. 😭🤣
Maybe there are two sides to this story!