Can I have a PP please? ❤️
This is going to be long, sorry!!
I’m really looking for some advice because I honestly don’t know what to do right now.
I’ve been with my partner for 8 years and we have one child together. I’ve actually posted on here before about what happened between us.
He cheated on me — although, if I’m being completely honest, it was more than just cheating. He had an affair with my work colleague/friend’s daughter.
We were all at an event together one night. I needed to take our daughter home, and stupidly, I said she could stay behind and hang out with him and some of the other friends. He lied to me about walking her home and what time he got back. He was then seen on my friend’s Ring doorbell with her at around 6am.
After that, they continued talking behind my back and meeting up without me knowing. It became increasingly suspicious because they seemed to constantly be out at the same time, and eventually everything started coming out.
They both have issues with alcohol and drugs. On one occasion, he took her to a family member’s house where they were drinking and doing drugs throughout the night and into the following day. By around 12pm, the family member had had enough of their inappropriate behaviour. He apparently walked in on them both naked, and it has since come out that they had slept together at his place too.
After everything came out, he apparently had what he described as a psychotic episode and ended up in hospital with mental health issues. He was brought back to my house that night.
We broke up after all of this and were apart for a few months. It was incredibly difficult for me because I’m not close to many people. The people I’m closest to are actually his family, who I am extremely close with, and my mum, who lives an hour away.
I feel like my loneliness has been something he has been able to use against me — almost knowing that I have nobody else to turn to and that I’ll always be there.
Fast forward a few months and we decided to try again. Things have actually been so much better between us and we’ve been getting on really well, although we still haven’t moved back in together.
I’ve made comments about wanting us to properly try again and eventually have him move back in, but he has said he doesn’t want to yet, supposedly “for our daughter’s sake”.
For the last week or so, though, I’ve had a feeling that something has changed. He’s been more distant with me, although still present enough that I didn’t think too much of it.
Then he sent me a photo of something asking whether I liked it. In the corner of the photo, there was a girl on FaceTime.
Obviously, I asked who she was. He came up with this huge story about his friend needing to go to rehab and said it was his friend’s girlfriend on FaceTime talking about it. I believed him because I know both of them, although it was dark and I couldn’t properly tell if it was actually her.
He then spent the whole week talking about going to visit this friend in rehab after work yesterday. It was apparently a few hours away, so they were supposedly going to stay the night.
He left, and since then I haven’t heard a single thing from him. And I still haven’t.
As time went on, I contacted the two people who were supposedly meant to be with him — neither of them had any idea what I was talking about. The entire rehab story was a lie.
I then sent the photo of the girl to the woman he claimed was in it. It turns out it wasn’t her either.
So, realistically, it looks like he is with the girl who was actually in that photo.
And I honestly feel completely broken.
Our relationship has never been perfect, but I never imagined it would get to this point. There has been a lot of emotional abuse throughout our relationship. There has never been physical abuse, but this year alone I’ve had to call the police on multiple occasions because he has been under the influence of alcohol/drugs and has behaved horrifically towards me.
I know deep down that I need to leave this relationship. I think what I’m struggling with is actually doing it.
I’m looking for advice from people who have been through something similar. How do you actually walk away from someone you have loved for 8 years, have a child with and have built your entire life around?
I feel completely alone right now and I don’t know who to turn to. His family are basically my family. I’m incredibly close to them, but I don’t know whether that relationship will continue if I leave him. And then one of the only other people I’m close to is the friend whose daughter he had the affair with, which makes the whole situation even more messed up.
After everything he put me through only a few months ago, I genuinely never believed I would be sitting here again, feeling like I’m back at square one and wondering what I’ve done wrong for someone to treat me like this.
I know his choices are not my fault. I just don’t know how to find the strength to finally choose myself and my daughter.
Any advice, especially from anyone who has managed to leave a toxic relationship and rebuild their life afterwards, would genuinely mean so much to me. ❤️
Source
U. Need to put urself and ur daughter first he obviously doesn’t care about either of u especially if hes out doing god knows what all the time u and ur daughter deserve so much more keep us updated and if u ever need to talk I know i dont know u but my inbox is always open hopefully u find some strength to walk away xx
You have to put your daughter first. You have your mum, an hour isn’t far away. This is so toxic for you and your daughter. You need to get as far away from him as possible. Don’t waste anymore time on him
My heart goes out to you and your child. My daughter was in a similar situation and left her abusive narcissistic partner with my granddaughter and has come to live with myself and my husband. She is on the social housing waiting list and hopefully will be rehoused soon. Her and her daughter are now safe and happy. Leaving is the hardest bit. Find the strength and yours and your child’s life will be much better. Good luck xx
You are choosing yourself by choosing to seek help breaking the chain . Believe in yourself that you can infact walk away and rebuild yourself – you need to remain positive . Reflect – you have put the ground work into something that had the potential but did not fully blossom and that is ok – this is how we learn and later adapt to a new outcome. Plan what steps you need to get to where you want to get to and go do it again put in the ground work and go do what you gotta do and be proud . Been there done it and so will you. Nothing hits harder than life itself. This is a testimont of yourself – a test to see how you move forward for you to find yourself and realise who you are and what you are capable of.