Hi can I have a private post please
I just had a baby a few weeks ago. My partner throughout my 2 pregnancy’s has not been the most supportive when arguments have happened he has left me in the house alone with the children or I’ve had to go to my mums for help. This is an ongoing cycle that I feel I can’t break. He says he “doesn’t believe in anything postpartum mental health as women are just the same as normal humans”. I really want to be with him and for him to change but I feel he constantly puts the blame on me and gaslights me into thinking I’m insane and a “psycho” when I react to the horrible things he says and does. I’ve also at many points found things on his phone from the time of these “breakups” of him cheating, talking bad about me etc. I can’t tell my heart to unlove him I want our family together but how do I break this cycle. I know deep down I should leave him but it’s just not what I genuinely want to do. Everyone’s advice in my circle is “pull back your energy” and “let the work be done by him to change” and “wait back and see what happens” this is like torture 🙈 any advice would be great please no judgement x
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The short answer is you need to leave him with the children for more than 24 hours with no support built in so no grandparents on stand by no nothing he needs to feed and put them to bed on schedule and then you need to do it frequently so he doesn’t forget – also how hard do you have to be in the trenches for him to see you? Does he like you as a person?