Outrage As Student Asked To ‘Sacrifice’ Education To Help Parents in Debt

A college student’s Reddit post has sparked outrage after she shared that her parents asked her to use her college fund to help pay off their debts.

In the post, the woman, posting under u/yosuw, wrote that the money, originally set aside by her grandparents for her education, was suddenly seen by her parents as a way out of their financial troubles. The student’s decision to refuse has left her facing backlash from her parents and questioning her role in the family. Newsweek spoke to licensed therapist Jillian Amodio about how the original poster (OP) can navigate the difficult situation.

In the post, the OP began with an explanation of her situation. “I just started college this year. Ever since I was little, my grandparents set up a college fund for me, and it’s the only reason I can afford school without taking on massive debt,” she wrote. “My parents always knew about it, and it was always meant for my education.”

Recently though, the OP’s parents were struggling financially due to poor investments and overspending, and approached her with a request that would force her to choose between her education and helping them pay off their debts.

The student made the difficult decision to say no.

“I told them I was grateful for everything they’ve done, but this money was specifically for my education, and I wasn’t going to throw away my future,” she wrote.

Her decision led to a strained relationship with her parents. “They got upset and said I was being selfish and ungrateful,” the OP wrote. “My mom even cried, saying she never thought her own daughter would turn her back on them.”

In the wake of the confrontation, the student’s parents have distanced themselves. “Now my parents barely talk to me. I feel horrible, but at the same time, I don’t think I should have to sacrifice my future because of their financial mistakes,” she wrote.

Many commenters expressed their support for the student’s decision.

“They had a legal obligation to the cost of raising you,” one user wrote. “Your grandparents specifically set that money aside for your education, not for your parents’ emergency debt relief. I assume they must be pretty desperate, but this is not money they are entitled to and you don’t owe them for raising you well.”

Another commenter agreed, adding: “Exactly. They chose to have kids. It’s their responsibility to take care of them into adulthood. You don’t ‘owe’ them for that.”

An Expert Opinion

Newsweek spoke to Amodio about the situation, who shed light on the psychological aspect of financial expectations within families.

“Finances are often one of the biggest influences of tension and friction on relationships,” she said. “When people feel financially insecure or vulnerable, they can often engage in behaviors that are questionable or boundary pushing. Money can often cause intense emotions and rifts between family members, especially when financial habits or financial values differ.”

For the OP, Amodio agreed that healthy boundaries are the best way to go.

“It is the job of a parent to raise a child to adulthood, however there should be no expectation that a child then ‘repay’ the debt,” she said.

Amodio also addressed the complex feelings the student might be experiencing, offering reassurance that she is not selfish, and that the distinction between guilt and empathy is important in this situation.

“It is not selfish to set boundaries, and it is important to remember that guilt and empathy often feel the same but they are very different,” she said. “We can feel empathy for someone who is struggling without feeling responsible for their pain or finding them a solution. Guilt implies that we have done something wrong and need to make amends.”

Newsweek reached out to u/yosuw for comment via Reddit.