Hey!
I wonder if I could get a private post please? Whilst, I’m unfortunately not a mum (despite longing to be) I am however a daughter, sister, auntie, and niece…
I found out my almost 80yr old Dad has been taken into hospital last night (back story & as short as possible; he hasn’t been to well for over a year & has had a few falls, he has fallen and as a precaution paramedics felt it safer to admit him for observation) anyway, I’ve messaged my older sister and told her what I knew – her response, short and to the point “thanks for letting me know” (she hasn’t spoken to our dad since she divorced her husband a few years ago, I don’t understand the ins and outs of why…) I’ve managed to speak to Dad today, he’s emotional due to being in hospital and unwell, knowing his dogs are at home without him – he loves his two dogs! I’ve phoned mum and updated her (they’re legally separated but no divorced) whilst on the phone to mum, I’ve naturally gotten upset it’s my dad! Mum turns around & says, “well there’s things been said and done by your dad, that only me, your brother and sister know about. He’s always treated you differently to the rest of us…” I had to ask mum to stop there; I said, “mum please stop! I’m sick of being told I’ve been treated differently by dad and granny my whole life just because I was adopted! You and Dad chose to adopt me and whilst I’m grateful for that, it feels like everyone uses it against me. Even my two cousins always said I was granny’s favourite! And as for my brother, he blames you for the reason he doesn’t speak to any of us & it’s why we don’t speak because I won’t have you or dad slated like that; especially when all you’ve done is be the best parents you can be!” Anyway, mum didn’t like it and said, “okay! I’ll speak to you tomorrow. Bye!” And hung up.
It feels like I’m the one dealing with everything for my Dad, I’m 37 & live in Scotland; Dad still stays in Wales – more specifically the town where my dad is from. Mum moved back to her home town in Scotland last year & I was the one who found her somewhere to live, decorated and sorted it out etc. ever since mum left Dad almost 5yrs ago (a complete surprise to both myself and dad) she’s had nothing nice to say about my dad and claims her almost 55yr marriage was horrific!
Am I wrong for feeling hurt and upset at mums comments about me being treated differently & being left to feel like I’ve got no one to turn too re Dad?
Source
I feel like, whatever they are feeling is personal to them and your love for him is personal to you.
I don’t think it is right no matter your age, to say oh they loved you more etc. It isn’t really fair or your fault if they did have that connection with you more. You were a child and they loved you and that carried on into adulthood. It sounds a little toxic to me, and I would just focus on not speaking about these things and having a relationship with my mother and father. Separately. Is there a friend you can lean on about these things, rather than you’re family. I don’t feel you’ll ever agree. And there’s no point to fall out with everyone. Life is too short.